You've heard the word several times. JIHAD. And I know that you non-Muslims only see it as war, as in war of Muslims against the US, or stuff like that. But jihad is actually an Arabic term which simply means struggle, and a practitioner is called a Mujahid.
And that's me currently! A mujahid. I am engaged in jihad against myself, for I believe I have been practicing things lately that are impure. Smoking for instance. Or being a casual squandering person. Just this afternoon, while pondering on Islamic concepts I learned through television, I realized that I should start to adopt jihad in my life—again.
Again? Because it's not really an entirely new thing to me. Back in college, my friends would know that I would always preach about "the warrior inside of us." This warrior is the one that fights and vanquishes our inner desires which actually do not lead to our improvement. I would always channel this warrior, for example, whenever I felt lazy to exercise, or whenever I felt lazy to do school work. I assume it's the same concept as that with jihad.
Along the way, however, this warrior had been defeated by the Self. Probably, this is the reason I have been feeling shitty lately. I let my Self defeat the warrior inside of me, feeding myself the delusion that such kind of liberation is for my improvement. But really, it's not.
I'm starting a new leaf again. I have resurrected the warrior. I pray that this warrior will not be defeated again.